Mini Essays on the Ten Commandments of Stress Management

The following content informs my master classes in FOTEO (From Ordinary To Extra-Ordinary). Each concept/commandment has its own unique principles and practices and can stand alone as seperate presentations.

The Master Classes can be presented across a spectrum of variable time options ranging from 30 minutes to half day to five day getaways.

Further information:

1. Scroll through previous blogs or

2. email = jacben@telkomsa.net or

3. sms = 078 439 8889

Looking forward to meeting you.

Dr. Jonathan Moch (BSc MBBCH, FFPsych (SA)


1. Time.

As a result of advances in medical technology, the human inhabitants of the planet now have an increasing lifespan. The human being can probably live for many decades post retirement and after all the children have left home. The progressive aging world will result in massive demographic changes for such societies, but does open up the possibility of great opportunities.

Poor personal architecture of the unfolding future results, at the very least, in a life of quiet desperation. Time divided into its classical three components – past, present and future – can ensnare the mind by living in the dismal facts of the past (What could have been? What should have been?) or conversely frozen by the wild imaginations of infinite possibilities of the future (What might be? What ought to be?), without ever being fully present in the current moment. Living persistently in the past leads to depression; living in the future leads to anxiety.

The aim is to anchor oneself in the present moment even it requires deep painful reflection of past deeds or stretching far into the future to strategize and prioritize. Aim your future trajectory into building banks of positive memories by creating environments that positive experiences are the most likely consequences.

One moment at a time, for it is only the present moment we can control!

2. Attitude.

The brain/mind filters constant rivers of information from both outside (via the senses such as sight, sound and touch) and internal streams of consciousness of thoughts and emotions. How our internal software programs handles such information determines to a very large extent our behavioral responses. Deeply held beliefs are like their biological cousins - genes. Some authors call these incorrigible creatures; memes, which are the initial building blocks of dozens of rules and assumptions made about ourselves, others and the future. These in turn are the bedrock of automatic thinking – knee jerk responses to everyday stimuli.

Memes are very stubborn to change as many are developed from childhood. Examples are: I am helpless; or I am unlovable.

Your attitudinal stance certainly determines your altitude. In other words - the amount of personal potential that is actualized. Deep psychological mining to the source within the mind/brain is one way to change negative thinking and emotions. Sometimes it is much easier to create new memes by constant rehearsal of positive attributes and placing oneself in a range of positive environments that support and nurture such new beliefs.


3. Relationships.

A famous scientific study performed by Dean Ornish and his team on heart diseased patients, indicated that the vast majority were isolated in at least one of three relationship directions. Towards others; towards oneself; and/or towards a Higher Power. A significant number of the healthy control group i.e. people matched for gender, age, race, educational standard, had much better refined and robust relationships.

So social relationships exist really in three dimensions: With the self (inwards), with others (outwards) and with a transcendental being (upwards). Such relationships are seldom static, but rather fluctuate with variable intensity, and can be devastating when lost, abandoned, or revised. Of course, the nature of the relationship with the Higher Power generates the most social heat, as scientific methods cannot, by definition, measure such existence. However, it is almost universal that the existence of a Higher Power is part of the truth and mental reality of most people at any socioeconomic level. Maybe that there is a God gene that manifests itself in the mind/brain as a recurrent need to be filled. But so too the deeply embedded social drive to be recognized and accepted by the family or nearby group.

All these forms of relationships can be healthy and provide a wonderful stable foundation for personal growth and success, joy and feeling alive. Conversely, low self-esteem, rapidly changing/superficial friendships, and in-your-face arrogance/narcissism often lead to chaotic lives and relationships. Very difficult to relate/love/embrace such pain and suffering.

4. Diet.

Ultimately, stress management concerns itself with the optimal use of energy. Diet is considered the critical resource to meet moment-to-moment energy needs. But diet is not only what is eaten, but includes the oxygen inhaled, the water drunk, and the effect of sunshine on skin. Careful analysis of dietary input by individuals will show, in general, a pyramidal structure of the types of food eaten. The bottom layers will be packed with common foods and the peak the least eaten.

The problem is the ratios between these layers and group types such as carbohydrates, protein and fats. Most diets prescribed by professionals are an adjustment of the ratios and constituents of the pyramid. Often the best way to lose weight is to just eat less (and exercise more). In other words, reduce the surface area of the pyramid. Of course, there are good foods and bad foods, and ongoing adjustments to the ideal pyramid are the goal. But experts still argue what the ideal pyramid (size, shape, and building blocks) might be!

Diet also includes information entering other orifices such as the ears and eyes, and can ultimately cause brain change for the better or the worse. So be careful what sights and sounds you can control at entry points. And there is of course food for the soul.

5. Detoxification.

Toxins are regarded generally as chemicals that cause harm to organisms. Chemicals come in many forms: tobacco, alcohol, fumes, excessive sunshine, or refined sugars. Emotions are also neuro-chemicals divided broadly into positive (love, joy, contentment) and negative (hate, anger, fear, guilt, shame). So many minds are filled with toxic negative emotions linked to past incidents, and carry heavy grudges and revenge. Toxic emotions drain scarce energy resources, and can convert the wide range of physiological body systems into a host of illnesses. An intense anger outburst can switch off the immune system for hours.

At another level: There is no human being I know who does not experience at least one toxic relationship: an ex spouse, a wayward child, an absent parent, an abusive relative, a value disadvantaged colleague, a dishonest business partner, the litigious next door neighbor. Many souls carry such unfinished business to their graves.

Toxins – in all their forms – crowd out space for healthier emotions and relationships. What a wonderful feeling to let go of anger or fear or shame, or build assertive boundaries around toxic others. Bottom line: Detoxification is not just a three week carrot juice diet!



6. Exercise.

Interesting results coming out of long term observations of centenarians – those folk who seem to live forever, past one hundred years and more. Grey, wrinkled, rickety, but healthy and wholesome. Live meaningful lives, doing God’s work, so to speak. Extensive interpersonal networks, but all move physically everyday. Gardening, farming, walking to the local village, gentle hiking, cycling, playing with grandchildren, climbing trees to pick olives are a sprinkling of examples. The movement/exercise is at a steady low intensity level whenever possible.

More extensive scientific results suggest a combination of four types of exercise: stamina building(aerobic, notice the slight shortness of breadth); stretch (hold a body position and feel the stretch for count of twenty, then shift into another position, repeat: standing, sitting, lying for fifteen minutes everyday; strengthening muscles (resistance training, carrying, lifting, throwing); and balance exercises. Once again, a pyramid structure of four layers, the base being low intensity everyday movement.

The brain can also be understood as a muscle. And if you do not use it, you will lose it. There are many “muscles” of the brain to be kept in tip-top shape. Reading, puzzles, new sights, and thousands of other possibilities are examples of exercising the brain. The best seems to be learning a new language.

7. Rest.

Rest is more than just sleeping well at night. Indeed, many people around the world do suffer from insomnia, and thus do not receive their full dose of rejuvenation every night. Rest the brain and body takes place also during the day - taking a cat nap, or a short break away from the intensity of everyday chores. Sleep debt is a problem that is escalating in our tech savvy cyberspace world of information overload.

The world is rapidly becoming a 24/7 time zone, where information crosses oceans and continents in milliseconds. The world is in search of a Sabbath, and each person in their own way requires a day off, once a week to chill and read and reflect and spend good quality time with oneself, and others who one cares deeply about.

Sabbaticals are also needed sporadically spread through the life cycle – significant real time out of the everyday routines - to again reflect deeply about career choices; to heal fundamentally from major losses; and make, if required, a radical break from self-defeating behavior.

Neuroscience is discovering multiple brain circuits that underpin a wide range of intelligences. Musical, linguistic, interpersonal, spiritual, naturalistic, mathematical….. Perhaps the most sustainable way to rest, everyday, is to shift regularly from a one circuit to another. Resting one, activating the next, returning to the first. Music, then reading or chatting or loving or solving mathematical challenges or dancing or stretching then back to music etc.

Try it. Notice the difference. Feel rejuvenated.

8. Health monitoring

There are hundreds and thousands of internal physiological processes, exquisitely integrated to produce optimal health. Sometimes one or two can wobble because of genes, aging, or lifestyle choices. High blood pressure, diabetes, depression, inflammation of joints, closing down of arteries and blood supply.
One system that is central to health is the vast vascular network that serves almost every cell of the body, providing essential nutrients and removing waste. Think of water, electrical or gas supply, telecommunications, coming into your home; and water borne sewerage and waste removal away from the home. Remember the last blackout, gas leak, burst water pipe, or rubbish collectors strike.

Therefore the vascular system that keeps your blood pressure stable, which prevents strokes, that supplies glucose and oxygen to cells needs focused attention. Regularly measure your blood pressure and act on the results, measure your blood sugars, the fatty lipids, weight, and take necessary preventative precautions always under the advice of competent medical professionals.

Secondly, it is vital to keep a monitor on other health indicators depending on your age, gender, genetic risk, previous medical events, and environmental factors causing chronic stress. Make a point of keeping up with latest public health advisories.

Look after your health as no-one else will, until it is irreversible and chronic.

9. Lotions and potions.

Ethno-pharmacology is the scientific study of lotions and potions used by cultures throughout the world to heal a host of patient complaints and illnesses. Their use is universal based on local natural products, often refined and packaged and prescribed in acceptable form, for a charge. In the vast majority of cases the cure is effective.

More recently, evidence that many of the compounds actually contain an active chemical ingredient is negative, and the idea of the placebo effect is the response to the findings. Placebos are inert substances prescribed, not only in the classic encounter between health professional and patient, but are a cornerstone of the Western scientific method of investigating the effectiveness of a new drug. It is not uncommon that a significant minority of patients in these controlled double blind studies (i.e. neither the investigator nor the patient know which drug has been prescribed) respond to the placebo - probably a combination of belief, expectation, and hope as well as the power of the doctor – patient relationship. It does raise the intriguing idea of the power of the mind – the placebo response – on physical symptoms.

Without any doubt there are many potions that have significant effect on health: anti-hypertensives, analgesics, antibiotics, steroids, antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and hundreds more – when used appropriately. The effectiveness is witnessed in the upward tick in increasing lifespan wherever populations have access to such sustainable medical services.

Lotions are important especially for the biggest organ of the body – the skin - and regular massage, oiling of the skin, hair and nail treatment is important to self-care and optimal health.

10. Financial.

Money makes the world go round? Repeated surveys confirm that financial concerns form the majority of arguments in marriage. Many sleepless nights are money-related. Most of an adult’s life is spent pursuing a paycheck. Unemployment is a major stressor; being made redundant is even worse; and early retirement without a meaningful life-plan is fatal for most men.

Finance is, in essence, the fuel that fires the material parts of our lives. Without money we would be homeless, starving, ill, and exposed to the violent elements of the environment. But there does come a point where income meets basic needs and any further increase in income does not necessary increase happiness. Sometimes the exact opposite occurs: Frustration, strife, and depression.

There will always be greed and fear that drive financial markets; cause turmoil in the macroeconomic arena. However, for everyone who can influence their micro-economic area, the goal should be that expenses are never more than income; and the disposable amount is used to reduce unavoidable debt or liabilities, and increase the value of assets. Assets come in many forms, not only material. Think about it?